Motives

My mom has been encouraging me to read Blue Like Jazz by Donald Miller for the past while. Since I returned home for the weekend and finally had a chance to get my hands on the book, I began reading and came across a poem that succinctly describes some feelings I've had for awhile.

All this is flashy rhetoric about loving you.
I never had a selfless thought since I was born.
I am mercenary and self-seeking through and through;
I want God, you, all friends, merely to serve my turn.

Peace, reassurance, pleasure, are the goals I seek,
I cannot crawl one inch outside my proper skin;
I talk of love--a scholar's parrot may talk Greek--
But, self-imprisoned, always end where I begin.

-C.S. Lewis, as quoted in Blue Like Jazz

I believe God has slowly been changing my heart to look out from self-less eyes, but I must always check my motives. Who am I bringing glory to, myself or God? This poem, its message is quite severe. This is not where I want to be, but brokenness begins with acknowledging the sinful, depraved, selfish nature within myself and asking God to free me.

Happy Easter! He is risen indeed!