stubborn revelations

This past weekend was incredible. Going home after two weeks of pure academia was like essence of heaven.

And still, I learned this weekend. I learned about things I had been too stubborn to admit for a long time.

For one, I finally admitted to myself that I love my best friend enough that when she hurts me (even unintentionally), it can make me feel unloved by the entire world. I guess I never knew how deep friendship went. I wouldn't have thought that this connection went so deeply, but I guess it did. At the same time, I guess I wasn't willing to admit that one single person could have such a strong influence on my emotional self. Yet friendships are just like other relationships; the more they matter, the more they affect your life. And in the end, I am more the blessed for being in this friendship after all is said and done.

And secondly, I finally admitted to myself the influence of Across U-hub on my development as a young person. For the longest time, I'd always look to the other aspects of growing up such as lessons, good parents, good teachers, good school, extracurriculars, and never once think about the superfluous-seeming activities I participated in at Across U-hub. The camps were just places to go because Mom and Dad said they were good, and being the obedient daughter, I went. Going to activities just happened because Dad told me to go and would bring me with him. This summer, an internship there just seemed like a convenient way to get a summer job because it seemed to fall into my lap. I think I just took everything for granted.

Well, after preparing for the fundraising dinner and what I would say to encourage people to a) donate money and b) share in the vision of Across U-hub, I realized what a huge impact it has had on my life. Slowly, but surely, these values have taken hold in me and have become a part of my identity. Values such as creative living, dream chasing, passion holding, and so much more I cannot yet express have been instilled into me through the different programs I attended over the years. I'm beginning to see the good that has come out of my time spent at and with Across U-hub and its incredibly amazing people. Now, I'd like to spend more time there by my own accord, and not of my well-meaning parents or other people's expectations of me.

These two revelations have been liberating. As hard as it is to admit to foolishness and narrow-mindedness, understanding that I have been both allows me to embrace an even deeper friendship with my best friend and an even more meaningful relationship with Across U-hub. I feel as though God has ripped blinders off of my heart to reveal what good He has in store for me. And I trust it will only get better.