Last First Week of Undergrad

The first week of school offers a superfluous amount of time for reflection and planning ahead. Classes are light, readings haven't piled up yet, and essays are in the far future. Entering my fourth and final year of undergrad, I'm beginning to worry that I'll be nostalgic throughout the year as I'll be saying good-bye to things I won't do and people I won't see again. For example, yesterday was the last first day of undergrad that I will ever experience. It's silly, but I know that every moment spent here is precious because it is limited and will soon be over.

As I was teaching a friend to swim today, I began thinking what I would do differently if I were to do undergrad all over again. I wouldn't care so much about what other people thought about me. I would take hold of more opportunities to share about Jesus. I wouldn't let anything hold me back from trying new things. [The swimming part is relevant to my thoughts because I had known this friend since 1st year and had offered to teach back then, but it's finally happening in our 4th year. How much more could we have done if she had learned earlier? We'll never know.]

I've come a long way since my first year, and living in the same residence again brings back memories. Some have commented and said that it is like coming full circle, yet I disagree. Perhaps my experience is more analogous to a sine wave with 2nd year being the crest and 3rd year being the trough.

Third year was an awful challenge for me. I suddenly encountered new ideas and was asked to become a person that I didn't agree with or understand. Going to England and living with my Communist roommate only magnified my confusion. I was reading through Conversations: A Forum for Authentic Transformation when this passage popped out at me:

While it is true that God is always present in the core of ourselves, how
we relate to God and how we experience this indwelling change over time.
Likewise, people involved in such stage transitions will think new thoughts and
interpret their faith tradition differently than before. Sometimes the weight of
the tradition may appear to be a barrier forbidding them to grow and develop.
These may be tempted to abandon their traditions because their theological
resources are too meager to enable them to fashion a more adequate
interpretation of the Jesus story or Christian doctrines in the light of their
new experience. (Ruffing, Janet. "Opening One's Heart to Another: The
Rediscovery of Spiritual Direction")

This helped me understand myself so much better because I have been feeling lost, misunderstood, and misunderstanding in my walk with Christ. Nevertheless, my faith is something I won't abandon, but I'll need a lot of time to make sense of it once again. Maybe this year will help me find my way again.