faithful

Since I arrived in Hong Kong again, I started to feel drained of joy. I could visibly notice my face growing blanker and my gaze hardening. I cannot blame Hong Kong for this change, although I'm sure it contributed. I realized that the physical change only reflected a hardness of my own heart.

Being a traveller in a foreign city meant that I had to be protective of myself. I had been warned countless times to watch my bag and my wallet and my purse--to the point where I was on the verge of becoming paranoid. Yes, I do need to be careful, but I no longer viewed people with the same compassion as I would if I had felt more secure.

I realized that I was slowly becoming more and more self-centred. I would think about myself more, others less, and God only when I opened my Bible. I had lost focus.

A wise friend once mentioned how she found it more challenging to become like Jesus than to serve Him. I agree with her. Becoming like Jesus requires transformation, and transformation can hurt. Serving God is an outcome of that transformation.

Well, after realizing my despicably prideful heart, I began praying for mercy and trusting my prayer partners to be praying for me too. Within a day, God has provided so much for me.

For the past week, I have woken up early to go for a run on the inner Ambulance Track of the Happy Valley Racecourse. Despite threatening stormclouds on many occasions, today was the first day I found myself caught in the rain. Today was also the last day that I would be living in Happy Valley until August. During my jog, I talked to God about my concerns and uncertainties, and told Him I wanted to trust Him with the different aspects of my life. The rain began as I was heading back to the tunnel that goes under the racetrack, but as soon as I came up from the tunnel, I looked into the rare piece of visible sky and saw the most beautiful stretch of rainbow. I was shocked still in my steps and remained still to admire it until it passed. Rainbows aren't usually particularly significant in my life, but after my prayer that morning, the rainbow suddenly took on an unusual amount of significance today.

Later in the day, my dad brought me to visit some relatives who are serving in ministry in Hong Kong. We aren't particularly close, and we hadn't met since I was 13 years old, but I was so blessed to see how my aunt had been called from her post as a kindergarten principal to become a pastor of a church that serves to disciple the poor. I also had a great conversation with her daughter who is serving in a full-time ministry in Hong Kong. Since my circle of connection in Hong Kong is small, it has been hard to find people similar to myself. Yet in her, I found someone that I could connect with and share our passions together. Afterward, I attended a talk on the spiritual development of children. It was targeted to the parents of their church, but my aunt knew of my interest in education and invited me to participate. The talk was simple, but meaningful, and I enjoyed the question-and-answer time the most because I could hear the concerns of these parents. I am so inspired for their desire to have their children come to know God and grow in Him. These parents are not well-educated and serve in jobs not well-considered by society, but they want a better future for their children and try hard to love them and teach them, which includes the heritage of faith.

Although I still have much to learn and much to confess and much to grow, I have been changed by how powerful and faithful God is to His children. As friends have reminded me, "God is faithful even when we are not faithful." (ref. 2 Timothy 2:13) Please say a prayer for me when you remember!