alone

For the first time in a long time, I'm finally alone. Not just physically alone, but also responsibility alone (i.e., nobody to be responsible for or have to tend to). At my family home, I don't have to stay on my toes and be ready at any moment to be "Available, Visible, and Approachable."

It kind of feels good.

I love being a Don. This year has been so good. I definitely struggled a lot at the very beginning. I was very uncertain about what I should do and if what I was doing was right. I remember being so frustrated and upset, even questioning if this was God's will for me or if I had followed the wrong path. It was a scary time, not knowing if I had made a terrible mistake. Blessedly, I had a few people who continued to encourage me and surely those encouragements have made such a difference in my experience.

After four months, I can probably say each consecutive year of undergrad has topped the previous year. I love West Campus, I love the Don Team, and most of all, I love my Angus girls. There's definitely so much more that I can do, and that I aim to do; but I have been so blessed through these girls. I've learned so much about myself and stretching myself, only to realize that I can stretch even further. And in the times of frustration, there's been incredible support-even from within the house.

I can see God's love working in me. I can feel God's presence and guidance. I know that He is working and that He will continue His good work in the next few months to come.

I'll enjoy my alone time, even if I do miss being AVA for the moment.

construction has finally come to haunt West Campus

no. no. no.

I simply will not allow it.

Construction across from West Campus has begun: at 2:30am in the morning!

If there's nothing that bugs me more, it's being woken up in the middle of the night and kept awake throughout the night. At first, it was just the annoying hum of an engine. By the time of this writing, it has escalated to drilling. I wonder if it's keeping my residents up.

on a more positive note, something that made me smile yesterday was seeing that the union st. and university avenue intersection has finally opened up! i never complained about it, but i'm super glad that it's finally open. it will definitely make life (driving to kccf and humphrey for psych) much easier.

and gah! this drilling just won't stop!

Naturally curious, I went out to investigate. Here are the fruits of my labour:

Apparently, Union St. has been cut off from Sir John A. MacDonald. I guess this means it will only be a temporary construction because it's taking place in the street. If so, I guess I won't be as upset. And I understand, it would be much harder to do this during the day.

Nevertheless, my body is croaking for more sleep and I guess I will find some way to rest up before a long day of report writing dawns.

stubborn revelations

This past weekend was incredible. Going home after two weeks of pure academia was like essence of heaven.

And still, I learned this weekend. I learned about things I had been too stubborn to admit for a long time.

For one, I finally admitted to myself that I love my best friend enough that when she hurts me (even unintentionally), it can make me feel unloved by the entire world. I guess I never knew how deep friendship went. I wouldn't have thought that this connection went so deeply, but I guess it did. At the same time, I guess I wasn't willing to admit that one single person could have such a strong influence on my emotional self. Yet friendships are just like other relationships; the more they matter, the more they affect your life. And in the end, I am more the blessed for being in this friendship after all is said and done.

And secondly, I finally admitted to myself the influence of Across U-hub on my development as a young person. For the longest time, I'd always look to the other aspects of growing up such as lessons, good parents, good teachers, good school, extracurriculars, and never once think about the superfluous-seeming activities I participated in at Across U-hub. The camps were just places to go because Mom and Dad said they were good, and being the obedient daughter, I went. Going to activities just happened because Dad told me to go and would bring me with him. This summer, an internship there just seemed like a convenient way to get a summer job because it seemed to fall into my lap. I think I just took everything for granted.

Well, after preparing for the fundraising dinner and what I would say to encourage people to a) donate money and b) share in the vision of Across U-hub, I realized what a huge impact it has had on my life. Slowly, but surely, these values have taken hold in me and have become a part of my identity. Values such as creative living, dream chasing, passion holding, and so much more I cannot yet express have been instilled into me through the different programs I attended over the years. I'm beginning to see the good that has come out of my time spent at and with Across U-hub and its incredibly amazing people. Now, I'd like to spend more time there by my own accord, and not of my well-meaning parents or other people's expectations of me.

These two revelations have been liberating. As hard as it is to admit to foolishness and narrow-mindedness, understanding that I have been both allows me to embrace an even deeper friendship with my best friend and an even more meaningful relationship with Across U-hub. I feel as though God has ripped blinders off of my heart to reveal what good He has in store for me. And I trust it will only get better.